alive.

i love the depths of hearts.
i love the collision of lives being shared.
i love the discovery of ones own gifts and passions.
i love the releasing of tears and pain as if to feel you can breathe again.
i love learning and understanding the character of those around me.
i love feeling small in the midst of something greather than myself.
i love questions that remain unanswered, as if to remind us that some answers are beyond ourselves.
i love being challenged in my thoughts and semi-sheltered experiences to embrace the new, unseen, unspoken, and unknown pieces of the world around me.
i love hugs and the assurance of love they bring.
i love music and lyrics that can depict your heart into words.
i love laughter that makes you curl up and ache because some moments are just that funny.
i love knowing and seeing glimpses of love beyond myself.

i love simplicity.
and i love the complexity of this life.
for there is much to be known. much to be questioned. much yet to be discovered. much to continue growing within. much to be changed and rearranged. much to be loved. and much yet to be lived.

you and i are alive.

teach me. to be a child once more.

it amazes me how frequently i am reminded of simplicity through children. and last night, like a breath of fresh air, simplicity surrounded once more.

kenzie and i did chores together. read together. played games together. made dinner together.
and when i asked kenzie to be my helper among these tasks, she so gratefully assisted with a smile. upon completion of our night together, i thanked kenzie for her positive attitude, helping hands, and great manners. a note was left on the counter for mom to make sure she knew how much fun we had. words and affirmation that meant so much to her - they couldn't have been replaced with anything else of value.

a willingness to serve.
allowing others to go before herself.
a desire to be loved.
embracing a love that is extended.

from there i went to babysit for another family. we built forts and campfires out of pillows. a five year old boy taught me how to shoot a gun. and while he slept in the fort, i stayed awake shooting bears and coyotes from our camp grounds and snagged squirrels for breakfast.

we laughed.
we cried.
we played.
and at the end of our night together we gave high-fives and said 'thanks for playing!'

much as children love - they too desire to be loved. to play. to be held. seeing that within the children around me. seeing that within myself.
and wondering how different our interactions would be if we selflessly lived in light of this truth. everyone has a desire to be loved.
perhaps we can learn from the littlest ones.

last night was just that. and i left feeling as if i can breathe again.

laughter.

laughter seems to be the overflow of my soul in most recent days.

irreplaceable moments and conversations with friends - consumed with laughter to the point of stomach aches.

i passed a girl on the sidwalk who actually stopped walking, looked at her friend and said, 'you mean you can put on a pair of jeans and NOT look at your butt in the mirror?! how?!' i passed them before laughing out loud.

a mom called me yesterday asking if i could babysit for her this thursday night. mid-sentence she stops and says, 'oh my goodness. thursday is valentines day! i'm so sorry i'm asking you to babysit. do you have plans?" and i simply replied, 'oh don't worry about it, i'm real single!' after getting off the phone with her i sat in my car and laughed at myself.

appreciating these days. and what they hold inside.

Love Stays - Feelings Fade.

'We often don't feel loved each an every day
but just the same it is there and will never fade away.
and just like the oceans tide - coming in and going out
at times our loves so strong - but other times it's seldom felt

in those times of wondering - when love is placed in doubt
we must only remember - our love has not run out
love stays - feelings fade

God in all His splendor - knows just how we feel
He knows true love grows deeper - than our feelings that seem real
so don't go on depending - on your feelings every day
because love is always there - but our feelings fade away.

in those times of wondering - when love is placed in doubt
we must only remember - our love has not run out
love stays - feelings fade

so don't be dependent on your feelings every day
because love is always there - but our feelings fade away

in those times of wondering - when love is placed in doubt
we must only remember - our love has not run out
love stays - feelings fade'

a song written by Jason Rich. lyrics which have rang in my heart this week. perhaps they couldn't have cut any closer to the thoughts that overflow from a heart of questions and some days over-whelming doubts.

what if we were a people who trusted in the love of Christ? that in moments when being surrounded by love seems far off - that we would have the faith and trust to believe His love has not decreased or faded. and even when our lives seem far from His reflection - that we would trust His love through us has not run out.

for His love stays. within and around. never swaying or shifting. always with a desire that we would know and embrace His love even deeper.

may these feelings of doubt fade - as i trust in a love that stays.

100.

yesterday was the 100th day of school.

kenzie's class dressed up like they were '100 years old'.

little to my surprise i arrived to their house yesterday morning to find kenzie jumping out of bed in excitement for her 'costume' which consisted of many layers and 'old-lady-type-things'.

of course rain, ice and snow, are not conducive to being old - so we had to wear a completely different outfit to school. upon our arrival after the first bell, kenzie and i jammed in one stall in the girls restroom attempting to put on her tights, dress, shawl, hair net, hat, gloves, glasses, and high heels. i was laughing out loud at this point.

i proceed to walk kenzie to her classroom where her teacher greeted us with a really high hair bun and a walker.

here is a glimpse of the finished product:


after we got home from school i unloaded kenzie's book bag and found a paper called '100 years'. kenzie had written what she thinks things will be like when she is 100 [she is currently 8]. her story consisted of chocolate changing colors to pink, blue, and yellow, having several closets, books having 16 covers, owning 86 diamonds, and wearing earrings.

it made my day.

home cooking.

what's better than coming home to find a package with your name on it sitting on your front porch step - because it's too large to fit in the mail box?

my answer::
wearing sweat pants. throwing your hair up. sitting. and eating mom's homemade sugar cookies which filled the contents of the package.

beautiful. my day was just made. thanks mom.

hello world.

"University of Northern Iowa Overseas Recruiting Fair'.

it's a strange concept really. 900 people from around the world gather in Waterloo, Iowa of all places - in hopes of landing a teaching job in one of 127 schools represented.
people of all kinds in business suites and high heels. folders and stacks of papers. highlighters trying to capture the 'hooks' to each school. phone calls being made to family members to inform them of their recent job offer in another country. multiple languages being spoken by many. running becomes the exercise of the weekend as people dash from one interview to the next.

while waiting in the lobby between interviews and orientations - i had a chance to meet and watch several people.

one woman who is retiring from teaching this may, was getting ready to sign on with a school in China for the next two years at the age of 55. her best friend whom she went to graduate school with 30 years ago drove down from Minneapolis to support her.
a newlywed teaching couple jumped up and down as they received word of acceptance from their first choice school in Venezuela.
anothing teaching couple sat at a table, having seen the recruiter from the school of their choice walk into the bathroom - and under their breath could hear them say, 'ok. here he comes....and start walking....now' what some won't do just to have their face seen and words heard one last time.

everyone on a mission. with a desire to be somewhere in the world. offers extended and contracts signed.

i myself had an interview with a school from Moshi, Tanzania and Cairo, Egypt about student teaching in their school system this fall. both of them went well and ended on positive notes and a need to go through others before being able to give a definite answer.

it seems strange and surreal. but excitement fills the void of unkown answers.
feeling as if i just wrapped my arms around the world and gave it large hug. what a beautiful thing.